reading...

So I'm reading this book called, The Me I Want To Be by John Ortberg and today I read something that I want to share. It's out of the section called, "The Gift of Belonging" and it focuses on family. The first sentence says,
"When I am loved, I belong to someone and they belong to me." - I just LOVE that. And it totally applies to our deep friendships too.

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"One day God says to the angels, "I have an idea. I am going to create the family."

An angel asks, "What is it?"

"I am very excited about this idea," God says. "Of course, I am excited about all my ideas.  One of the great things about being God is you just never have a bad idea--but this one is special. Family is going to be the way I connect people in love. It will work like this. Adult people will sign up to take care of a tiny little stranger."

"Are they going to get paid?" the angel asks.

"No, that little stranger is actually going to cost them a lot of money.  Not only that, but the little stranger won't even be able to talk at first.  It will just cry and scream, and you will have to guess why.  It will make you lose sleep.  It will make messes all the time that you have to clean up.  It will be utterly vulnerable.  You have to watch that kid twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  Then when it's two, that little stranger will be able to say words like, "no" and "mine", and it will throw tantrums.  And then I am thinking about inventing puberty.  I am not sure about that one yet, but if I do, they will get these strange things called hormones that will go crazy.  Odd things will happen to their bodies.  They will get pimples, their voices will crack, and their limbic systems will melt down.  Then they will grow up, and just when they are mature and beautiful and interesting and able to contribute, they will move away.  That's the idea.  What do you all think?"

The angels shuffle around and look at their feet. Who's going to tell him? they think. Lord, who would sign up for that? Why would they do it?

Here is where God really gets excited.  "They won't even know why.  They will just look at that little body, those little hands and feet, and they will think that this tiny little stranger is beautiful, even though he looks like every other baby and all babies look like Winston Churchill.  Then one day that little stranger will smile at them, and they will think they have won the lottery.  That little stranger will say 'Dada' and 'Mama' but it will say 'Dada' first because daddies are just so self-sacrificial and noble and...how I love them.  But moms are good too.  So it will say 'Dada' and 'Mama' and then those little arms and hands will open and reach out and wrap around that neck, and it is going to feel to that grown up for the first time now they understand why arms and hands were created.
"What it's really all about is grace.
"Children, the new generation, will learn that they are prized and belong before they have ever done a single thing to earn it.  The old generation will learn that when they give, they will receive.  When they give the most, they will receive the most.
"And then one day I will tell them, Human race, I am your Father.  You are my daughter, you are my son.
"They will get it and they will be undone."

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I am loved. And so are you!

the blues...

So far, I've been doing fine. Doing the daily routines and moving forward. Just tonight, I was watching a show about a young couple who just had a baby and they were describing their life before the little one came. And it just reminded me of the fun times Joe and I had together before Clarebear. Not that we haven't had fun times since, but he's been gone almost her whole little life. So the time we did have together to just have fun, was before she was born. Anyways, it just made me miss him so badly.

It's in those moments when I just ask God to let him have a chance to call, or send me a quick email, or even log on to chat. But God always knows what I need. He reminded me that he is faithful and loves me. That I am never alone. He reminded me that He's with Joe too. And that His timing is perfect.

As I look into the future, Joe's return still seems so far away. We're halfway done! I can't comprehend it right now because I'm just trying to get through it day by day. But every time someone asks me when Joe is supposed to be home, I say, "The end of July." And then they say, "For good?". Of course, I don't know that. He's planning on retiring so we have about 13 or so more years in. I'm assuming he'll be deployed again. But it also makes me think, what will the next deployment be like?

We were only married 5 months before he was deployed to Irag in 2004. I had 1 year of school left, we lived in a one bedroom apartment with no kids or kitties. Now, we've got a house, a sweet baby girl, and a kitty (One kitty? = Long story for another post.) I'm working part-time and trying my hardest to just keep everything manageable as a single parent. I have friends that help out, sitters who I've grown to love, a great set of neighbors who dig me out of the steep snowdrifts, and a wonderful family doctor who answers ALL of my questions.

Next weekend, I will be attending a conference that will help me focus on Joe's homecoming and us becoming a family at home again. Clare will be home with Nonna, so that I can fully focus and have a weekend away from home. (Thank you ahead of time Nonna!)

Ahh...only a few more months...and then he'll be home. We're on the other half of the deployment now! Joe will be coming home for a 2-week leave toward the end of April. He's asked me several times to not plan anything because he wants to just relax with me and Clare.....Done and Done. Although, there might be just a teensy tiny to-do list for him. Just to remind him how much he's needed at home.